Learning from Song of Solomon: Building Healthy Relationships

*Heads up— I was hanging out in left field with this one. It has nothing to do with athletics.

A few weekends ago, I visited Lake Pointe Church in Rockwall, Texas, where Pastor Josh Howerton preached a message from the Song of Solomon on building lasting relationships. His teaching blended biblical truth, practical advice, and humor—reminding us that love and marriage are both sacred gifts and daily responsibilities.

He began with the call to “date your wife.” Not candlelight dinners every night, but intentional pursuit. A wife often reflects her husband’s investment, he said. If she seems weary or discouraged, it may reveal the health of the relationship more than her own state. That made me pause: what kind of “resume” am I writing with the way I treat those closest to me? Are my relationships back-to-back (me versus them), side-to-side (partners in tasks but not intimacy), or face-to-face (built on delight and respect)?

Dating your spouse also guards against infidelity. “The grass isn’t greener on the other side—it’s greener where you water it.” The point was simple: don’t let anyone treat your spouse better than you do. That truth applies beyond marriage—faith, work, and life all flourish where we tend them.

Our marriages also shape the next generation. Pastor Josh put it bluntly: we either “loser-proof” our daughters and raise our sons into men—or we don’t. Small gestures—a father opening a door, a son offering his seat—aren’t outdated but formative. They teach respect, honor, and dignity, quietly shaping how children view love, marriage, and even God Himself.

He also reminded us that how we treat our spouse shapes our spiritual lives. 1 Peter 3:7 warns that dishonoring a wife hinders prayer. Faith isn’t lived in isolation; it’s proven in how we care for those closest to us. Marriage is stewardship of one of God’s children.

On intimacy, he explained that real connection means “in-to-me-see.” Transparency, vulnerability, and knowing one another. Men, he said, should lead by initiating with “let’s…”—taking steps toward growth instead of waiting passively. He gave couples a tool: once a month, ask each other, “What are three ways I’m blessing you right now, and what’s one way I could bless you more?” It keeps communication alive and honest.

That advice hit home. People can’t read minds. Husbands can’t aim for needs never expressed. Wives, in turn, need their words taken seriously—feelings met with feelings, facts with facts. Listening well means responding in the language being spoken. Pastor Josh kept it balanced: men must lead with integrity, but women also build joy into marriage. Criticism and withholding respect choke love as surely as passivity. And with a grin he added, the end of each day should feel like a Pentecostal church—“tongues and laying on of hands.”

For those dating, his counsel was sharp: focus less on finding the right person and more on becoming the right person. Two halves don’t make a whole; two healthy, growing, equally yoked people do. Dating isn’t just a status but a process of discernment. If marriage isn’t the goal, then someone is being used. Song of Solomon 8:4 says, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” Love needs the right timing.

He also stressed order: build relationships spiritual first, then social, then emotional, and finally physical. Culture flips this, beginning with the physical and neglecting the spiritual. That pattern leaves people fractured. The questions he offered were piercing: Does this person seek Jesus? Are they steady and trustworthy? Or does drama always follow them? Everyday behavior is a preview of how someone will treat a spouse.

Pastor Josh closed with hope. Even broken or misbuilt relationships can be redeemed. The years the locusts devoured can be restored. But it takes more than wishing—it takes wisdom, will, and a foundation firmly set in Christ.

I left struck by how practical and spiritual the message was. More than tips on dating or marriage, it was a call to become the kind of person who honors God in every relationship. Married, dating, or waiting—the charge is the same: grow, love well, and build on the solid rock of Christ.