Generation Keyboard: The War on Communication

Young athletes have grown up with instant access to almost everything. You can send a message in seconds, FaceTime somebody across the country, look up an answer immediately, post something for hundreds of people to see, and communicate with teammates without ever being in the same room. Technology isn't automatically the enemy, and social media isn't automatically bad either. It can help young people stay connected, find community, learn, and support each other, but there's a problem when digital communication starts replacing the face to face conversations you need to learn how to have.

The research here needs some balance because it's too broad to say technology has simply destroyed young people's social skills or that social media automatically causes isolation and mental health problems. The American Psychological Association has specifically said social media isn't inherently good or bad for every young person, and some online interaction can actually provide meaningful connection and support. At the same time, the APA recommends that social media shouldn't take away opportunities for adolescents to practice real, reciprocal, in person interaction. Adolescence is an important period for developing more complex relationship skills, and you don't learn all of those skills staring at three dots waiting for somebody to finish typing.

That's where I think young athletes need to hear this pretty directly. You can't hide behind your phone every time a conversation gets uncomfortable.

If you have a problem with your coach, learn how to respectfully talk to your coach. If you're confused about your role, ask. If you've got an issue with a teammate, don't send a paragraph in the group chat, screenshot it, send it to five other people, and let everybody except the person involved know how upset you are. If you screwed something up, own it without hiding behind a text message. If somebody hurt you, learn how to explain what happened and listen to their side too. Those conversations can be awkward as hell, but that's part of growing up.

Athletes especially need those skills because sports force you into relationships with people you didn't choose. You're going to have teammates who annoy you, coaches you disagree with, personalities completely different from yours, officials who make calls you hate, and moments when you're frustrated enough that you'd rather type something than look somebody in the eye and say it. Learning how to handle those situations isn't separate from your development as an athlete. It's part of it.

I've coached long enough to know how quickly a text message can turn into something it was never intended to be. You can't hear tone. You can't see somebody's face. You can't watch their body language or immediately recognize that what you said landed completely differently than you meant it. A short response can sound angry when somebody was just busy, and a coaching correction can feel harsher on a screen than it would've sounded during a normal conversation. Digital communication is useful for schedules, information, quick questions, and plenty of everyday communication, but it isn't always the right place for conflict, emotionally loaded conversations, or situations where clarity really matters.

If your first response every time something gets uncomfortable is to retreat behind a screen, you're also avoiding opportunities to develop skills you're eventually going to need everywhere. You're going to have to interview for jobs, talk to professors, communicate with college coaches, work with people you don't like, advocate for yourself, apologize when you're wrong, listen when somebody criticizes you, and handle conflict without having twenty minutes to rewrite your response before hitting send. Life is eventually going to require you to have conversations you can't mute, delete, leave on read, or hand to your parents to handle for you.

That's one of the biggest reasons I push athletes to communicate for themselves. If you're old enough to want the responsibility of being recruited, playing college athletics, earning playing time, or being treated like a leader, you're old enough to start learning how to have uncomfortable conversations. Your parents shouldn't be emailing every coach because you're nervous. Your teammates shouldn't have to speak for you because you're afraid of conflict. Your coach shouldn't have to guess what's wrong because you'll post about it online but won't walk into the office and talk about it.

Confidence isn't only asking for the ball with the score tied at 23. Sometimes confidence is knocking on your coach's door and saying, “Can you tell me what I need to do better?” Sometimes maturity is telling a teammate, “I didn't like how that went, and I think we need to talk about it.” Sometimes leadership is having a hard conversation before resentment has three weeks to grow.

For Christian athletes, this goes even deeper because Christianity was never designed to be lived entirely through a screen. Scripture consistently puts believers in community with one another, and the early church gives us a pretty strong picture of that in Acts 2.

Acts 2:42 (ESV) says, “And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.” That passage continues by describing believers spending time together, sharing with people who were in need, worshiping, eating together, and living in genuine community. Acts 2:42 through 47 isn't a command that Christians have to copy every detail of the early Jerusalem church exactly, but it absolutely shows that Christian fellowship was active, relational, generous, and deeply connected.

Hebrews 10:24 through 25 gives an even more direct challenge. Hebrews 10:24 (ESV) says, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works,” and verse 25 continues, “not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another.” The point isn't that every meaningful Christian interaction has to happen face to face or that communicating digitally somehow makes your faith less legitimate. The point is that Christians aren't supposed to isolate themselves from actual community. We need people who know us well enough to encourage us, challenge us, correct us, pray with us, and notice when something isn't right.

First John 1:7 also talks about fellowship, but this verse needs to be handled carefully because it's easy to make it say something it doesn't. First John 1:7 (ESV) says, “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another.” John isn't giving communication advice or specifically telling Christians they need more face to face interaction. He's talking about walking in God's light rather than darkness and explaining how genuine fellowship flows from a life connected to Christ. It's still relevant to Christian community, but the foundation of that fellowship is our relationship with God, not just spending more physical time around other people.

That's an important distinction because you can sit beside somebody every day and still never really know them. You can be surrounded by teammates and still isolate yourself. You can go to church every Sunday and never let anybody close enough to challenge you. You can have hundreds of followers, dozens of group chats, thousands of Snap streaks, and still have nobody in your life who knows what you're actually struggling with.

That's not community.

Real relationships require something from you because you have to listen when you'd rather talk, explain yourself when you'd rather shut down, apologize when your pride tells you you're right, forgive people who disappointed you, and sometimes hear things about yourself that you don't particularly want to hear. That's exactly why those relationships matter so much. They force us out of the little world where we're always the narrator, always the victim, always right, and always able to control the conversation.

Athletes need that kind of community inside their teams too. A strong team isn't fifteen people who happen to wear the same jersey and follow each other on Instagram. It's a group of people who've learned how to communicate, trust each other, challenge each other, handle conflict, celebrate each other, and keep showing up for one another when things aren't going perfectly.

That takes work, and sometimes it means putting the damn phone down.

Sit with your teammates at dinner and actually talk to them. Look somebody in the eye when they're speaking to you. When your coach gives you feedback, listen instead of immediately preparing your defense. If there's a conflict, stop recruiting people to your side and go talk to the person you actually have the problem with. When somebody tells you that you hurt them, don't immediately explain why they're wrong for feeling that way. Learn how to listen long enough to understand something from a perspective other than your own.

And if you're a Christian athlete, don't let your entire faith become digital either. Posting Scripture isn't the same thing as living it. Watching church online isn't always the same thing as belonging to a church community. Sending somebody a praying hands emoji isn't the same thing as actually praying with them. Following Christian accounts isn't the same thing as having Christian people in your life who know you well enough to call you out when you're drifting.

Technology is a tool, and there's nothing wrong with using it. The problem starts when the tool becomes a hiding place.

If you want to play at a high level, lead people, build healthy relationships, and eventually function like an adult outside of sports, you're going to have to learn how to communicate when it's uncomfortable. You aren't always going to get time to craft the perfect response, and you aren't always going to be able to avoid somebody because you don't like what they said. Sometimes you're going to have to sit across from another human being, listen carefully, control your emotions, speak honestly, own your part, and work through something difficult.

That's not an outdated social skill. That's maturity.

So use your phone, enjoy social media, text your friends, send the memes, and take advantage of everything technology allows you to do, but don't become so comfortable communicating through a screen that you become incapable of communicating without one. Your teammates deserve more than that, your coaches are going to expect more than that, your future relationships are going to require more than that, and if you're serious about becoming a leader, you can't keep letting a keyboard have the conversations you're afraid to have yourself.